Why I Don’t Want to go Natural

Natural Hair

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In the past week, I’ve had three different people ask me why I haven’t gone natural. Since I have a hair care business, I am open to answering any questions about my hair. But I do have two distinct and varying feelings about being asked.

On one hand, I understand the reason for the question. Natural hair is very popular and I am currently among the few hair gurus with relaxed hair. As a hair expert and who wrote a book on hair care, I’ve opened myself up to questions about my hair choices, regimen, etc. Some women ask my hair status because they want to find someone with a similar texture/curl pattern to get style and product tips. (Keep in mind that even if you found your hair twin there’s no guarantee that your hair would respond well to the same products).

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Attorney, Author, and Blogger extraordinaire! MsKibibi is the Founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of KibibiHair.com.

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  • lisainsweden

    I like both relaxed and natural. I have been natural majority of My life. For me, wesring My hair natural takes a lot if time to take care of. At the moment I am hooked on Brazilian blowout,which I guess is in between relaxer and natural. But I will probably relax again soon.

    in my country you can wear any hair you have. Curly, straight, wavy. Locs would probably be considered s bit hippie but you could, the only thing that would not be easily understood is to wear wigs. Wigs are worn by people who lost their own hair. People wouldn’t understand why you need a wig if you already have hair and I havevgrown up in that culture. I can’t understand why some women feel they need to hide their own hair. I fully believe that everybody has the right to wear what they want, it is not that, I just done understand the reasoning about the popularity for wigs in American

    • Thanks for sharing your cultural take on hair. It’s interesting that wearing wigs doesn’t make sense if you have your own hair. Meanwhile, I’m wearing a wig to protect my real hair lol. How do people view extensions (weaves or clip ins)? Also, where are you from?

      • People are questioning my decision to wear wigs. When they find out I’m doing it for business travel, that makes it all better for some strange reason.

        One question that annoys me — is that a wig (now that some know I wear wigs). Stop with all the questions. Just like my hair and move on. Enough with the questions.

        • LOL I feel your hair. I was trying to keep my book and blog quiet at the office but word got around. Now when I change my hair up, folks ask if its my hair or not.

          • People have their ear to the street on every little detail. No one knows about my blog. Or if they do, they haven’t mentioned it. I’m totally good with that.

      • lisainsweden

        It is just that people don’t wear wigs here. I ve understood that it is natural in US but not here. Some people have extensions temporary, but that is generally to fill out what they all ready have, same colour and texture. But I’d say that is not a common thing. Most people don’t.

        You would definitely not wear a wig at work. If you wear a wig it would be a party or masquerade. Maybe a huge fro for a 70’s party but not a work

        • Interesting. So is it obvious when people wear wigs? I’ve worn wigs but it usually looks like I have a weave and most people assume its my hair.

          • Lisainsweden

            Of Course it is obvious. If I have longer hair from one day to another or much more hair or a different hair type friends, colleagues and family would notice 🙂
            I have wavy hair if I all of a sudden came to work in an Afro they would all wonder what I have done.

            But on another note. Today a girl in my class who used to have long hair, came with short hair. A cut that really suited her. When I gave her compliments, she said that she did it to donate all her hair to the cancer foundation. Wasn’t that beautiful!

  • Michelle

    I agree. Just like its a choice to wear make up or go bear faced as God made us. Neither is a sign of conforming but a perference. Thks for the article!

  • I would like to think people mean well and are just curious. Many value your opinion and likely just want to know your views, thoughts and reasons associated with being relaxed or natural.

    • I agree that’s the case for some people. The three people who asked me this week had good intentions. But I’ve had people literally dismiss what I have to say the minute they find out my hair ins’t natural. I’ve had women stop me mid sentence and say ‘oh well my hair is natural so what you’re saying won’t work for me.” Then they walk away.

      • Say whaaaaaaaa? See, I was trying to be nice but that just took me to a not so nice place.

        • LOL I’m usually shocked at the level of rudeness people can exhibit. Even if you disagree with my hair status, have enough respect to let me finish my sentence.

          • I thought of you today. Someone random lady asked if I had a real Coach purse while I was standing in the checkout line. Like for real….is that something you ask someone?

          • Noooooooo! I swear the internet has blurred the lines of what’s appropriate to ask people.

          • Right!!

      • Wow! If you are open to it, you can learn from just about anyone. As long as that person can maintain a healthy head of hair, no matter the length, texture or style choice you never know what you can learn from them. I’m subscribed to women of all walks of life. Actually, the women that inspired me the most in the beginning were ladies who had totally different hair textures. Rusticbeauty, najahface on youtube and a few others. Also fotki member loveyaforever(redhotlala) who was relaxed and a few others. I think people spend so much time focusing on each others differences that they are unable to see just how much we all have in common. SMH

        • I remember Loveyaforever from her days on fotki. Love her hair also. I agree, we can learn from everyone but only if we are open minded.

  • Caroline

    Thanks for writing this post how one wears their should be a choice not a statement to define who you are.

  • KD Walker

    I’m about 8 months into growing my hair natural. I’ve been completely natural before: in 2010 I did the big chop but relaxed my hair a few months later. I actually prefer my hair straight and really don’t like the intense blow-dry/flat-iron process but don’t have a stylist who can do the texlax process.

    So I’m going natural because I lack options in my area. My hair is armpit length and too thick for me to do a home relaxer. I wear a lot of sew-in weaves and wigs so going natural just seems to be easier for me.

    • Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Great article and well said! Whether it’s relaxed, natural, bald, pixie cut, locks, colored etc etc. Hair is like an accessory so it’s all about what compliments you.

    I use to relax once a year only for the convenience in manageability. But then I later realized that big hair suited me better than flat hair.

    Then I figured, if I did braid-outs on my relaxed hair and stop using heat, I can get the best of both worlds; the big natural look and easier manageability. It was a win win. My hair always looked big and frizzy, more like an effortless wash n go and unless I mentioned it, no one knew I was relaxed.

    It was fun while it lasted and my hair managed to grow down to waist length. At that time it was the longest my hair had been period. So I asked myself, if I can figure out how to take care of my relaxed hair and grow it this long, and since big hair suited me best, why not put the effort into working with my natural hair? If it didn’t work out, I can just relax again.

    Well, my last relaxer was in 2008. I transitioned 3 years and have been natural ever since. My hair is longer than I imagined it to be. I figured out how to work with what I have.

    I truly did enjoy my relaxed hair especially since I was able to figure out a way to manipulate it into looking like big natural hair. But my natural hair is even more fun and convenient because I get to enjoy the big hair without having to worry about yearly touch ups. I highly disliked going to salons, even if it was only a couple of times a year. LOL

    Moral of the story, it all boils down to preference. You can maintain a head full of healthy relaxed hair or natural relaxed hair. The limits are endless. Do what makes you feel good and everyone else will have no other choice but to accept it.

    • Oops I meant **You can maintain a head full of healthy relaxed hair or healthy natural hair.

    • Well said! Thanks for sharing your story. It’s funny but I think some times women who transition to natural hair have success because they finally started taking care of their hair. Yet instead of seeing how their behavior impacted their results, they blamed the relaxer. But relaxed hair can thrive is you take care of it.

      • Yes, I share the same thoughts as well. So very true. It would really help for some people to understand that both natural and relaxed hair have special needs of their own. But the key is, putting in the time and effort into properly caring for it. There are countless examples including yourself that proves that as long as as you are consistent in caring for your hair then it will most definitely thrive. Keep up the good work MsKibibi 😀

      • Lisa


    • I just realized I made another typo…I meant the *options* are endless…not limits lol.

  • Ntokozo

    Hi Miss Kibibi I’ve been introduced to your videos on you tube.I have relaxed hair almost shoulder length.It’s thin it doesn’t have any thickness.I’ve decided to stai my hair journey please share any advice.I’d appreciate it.

  • I went natural, for the second time, because I was sick and tired of my hair falling out with relaxers. honestly, this happened about 5x over the course of 10years regardless of the relaxer I used and whether or not i stretched my relaxer. Even I’m not always happy with how my natural hair looks, I’m happy that it’s thick and healthy now. I still use some of the tips I get from relaxed and natural heads, at the end of the day its just hair. And yours is beautiful.

    • Thanks for sharing your story. We all have good and bad hair days. lol It’s part of the journey.