One of my YouTube subscribers commented on my vacation video asking me for advice. She’s going through a break up, is considering dating a non-Black man and wanted to hear my thoughts on interracial dating (since I’m in an interracial relationship).
I’ve dated both inside and outside of my race since high school. Coming from a mixed heritage, it was never an issue for me. My family has Black and non-Black ancestors and in Jamaica, the motto of “Out of many, one people” is actually something we live by. So, I never had to worry about opposition from my family. Unfortunately, this is an issue for some Black women who are outright told that they “better not bring home a white boy.” If this is your experience, then you must decide if having outside approval is worth limiting your options to one race only.
For me, life is too short to be worried about who I’ll disappoint. There’s a level of “zero F’s given” that comes with dating outside of your race. You must have thick skin and be un-bothered by the naysayers. If you’re always worried about what people think of you or what they will say, then dating outside your race will either be an exercise in freeing yourself from giving others that level of control over your life, or it will stress you out. It’s your choice.
Here’s the thing about dating, finding someone you’re attracted to is an emotional, not logical, experience. Have you ever dated someone that you couldn’t explain why you liked him, but you just knew you liked him? See what I mean. If you truly want to find love and a compatible mate, then you have to be open to the fact that he might not look like you expected.
Besides, picking a significant other, should never be about looks alone. I look at the character of a man, not his skin color. I pay attention to how he treats me, and how I feel when I’m with him. Do we have shared values, and shared standards for those values. I require a lot of mental stimulation because I’m always thinking and asking questions about the world around me. “Why” is truly my favorite question and I need a man who can handle that level of intellectual discourse without being condescending or dismissive. Looks may fade, but vapid is forever. These traits are far more important than skin color.
At the end of the day, people are people. We might look different, speak different languages, have different cultures/background, but we have so much more in common: we all want love, we all want family/friends, and we all want to feel acknowledged and accepted for who we are.
With that in mind, dating outside your own race isn’t such a leap. Don’t think of interracial dating as some radical move. It’s not. The same dating “rules” apply, the same concerns about when will he call, and the same nervousness about meeting his family. Those don’t change because of his skin color. Granted, for some families it might make things more uncomfortable. But there’s no more guarantee of acceptance just because you are all the same race. I know of Black families rejecting Black girlfriends simply because they were from a different country.
Know yourself, know what you want and need in a relationship and be open to finding someone compatible, regardless of their race. Anyone who truly loves you will be happy to see you happy. Everyone else, will just have to accept that you’re living your own life.
What do you think? Comment below with your thoughts and stories. What advice would you give to this subscriber?