Thoughts on Interracial Dating

DatingLife

One of my YouTube subscribers commented on my vacation video asking me for advice. She’s going through a break up, is considering dating a non-Black man and wanted to hear my thoughts on interracial dating (since I’m in an interracial relationship).

I’ve dated both inside and outside of my race since high school. Coming from a mixed heritage, it was never an issue for me. My family has Black and non-Black ancestors and in Jamaica, the motto of “Out of many, one people” is actually something we live by. So, I never had to worry about opposition from my family. Unfortunately, this is an issue for some Black women who are outright told that they “better not bring home a white boy.” If this is your experience, then you must decide if having outside approval is worth limiting your options to one race only.

For me, life is too short to be worried about who I’ll disappoint. There’s a level of “zero F’s given” that comes with dating outside of your race. You must have thick skin and be un-bothered by the naysayers. If you’re always worried about what people think of you or what they will say, then dating outside your race will either be an exercise in freeing yourself from giving others that level of control over your life, or it will stress you out. It’s your choice.

Here’s the thing about dating, finding someone you’re attracted to is an emotional, not logical, experience. Have you ever dated someone that you couldn’t explain why you liked him, but you just knew you liked him? See what I mean. If you truly want to find love and a compatible mate, then you have to be open to the fact that he might not look like you expected.

Besides, picking a significant other, should never be about looks alone. I look at the character of a man, not his skin color. I pay attention to how he treats me, and how I feel when I’m with him. Do we have shared values, and shared standards for those values. I require a lot of mental stimulation because I’m always thinking and asking questions about the world around me. “Why” is truly my favorite question and I need a man who can handle that level of intellectual discourse without being condescending or dismissive. Looks may fade, but vapid is forever. These traits are far more important than skin color.

At the end of the day, people are people. We might look different, speak different languages, have different cultures/background, but we have so much more in common: we all want love, we all want family/friends, and we all want to feel acknowledged and accepted for who we are.

With that in mind, dating outside your own race isn’t such a leap. Don’t think of interracial dating as some radical move. It’s not. The same dating “rules” apply, the same concerns about when will he call, and the same nervousness about meeting his family. Those don’t change because of his skin color. Granted, for some families it might make things more uncomfortable. But there’s no more guarantee of acceptance just because you are all the same race. I know of Black families rejecting Black girlfriends simply because they were from a different country.

Know yourself, know what you want and need in a relationship and be open to finding someone compatible, regardless of their race. Anyone who truly loves you will be happy to see you happy. Everyone else, will just have to accept that you’re living your own life.

What do you think? Comment below with your thoughts and stories. What advice would you give to this subscriber?

MsKibibi

Attorney, Author, and Blogger extraordinaire! MsKibibi is the Founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of KibibiHair.com.

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  • I agree, in relationships color is a nonfactor for me…I am married to a yummy chocolate man, but I dated outside of my race often and had no issues with it and my family supported me.

    • That’s wonderful your family supported your dating choices.

  • I would recommend traveling if possible. I know a lot of people can’t but I know being from Panama and seeing so many different races and cultures, helped me to keep an open mind about the world and people around me. I agree that knowing yourself and what you want in a partner and relationship is so so important!

    • i agree that traveling definitely opens people up to stepping outside of their comfort zone. I’ve been traveling internationally since I was 7 years old and it certainly impacted my view of different cultures in a positive way.

  • I’ve never dated outside of my race but I’m all for dating who you love. I met my then boyfriend, now husband in middle school school so…the rest is history. Life is too short. Enjoy yourself. Folks will gossip regardless.

    • Aww that’s so sweet. Lucky you! He found you early haha

  • I think that people should be free to love whomever their heart desires. I have never found myself attracted to someone outside of my race, although if I did I wouldn’t have an issue acting on that attraction.

  • My husband is black and I love black men because they’re just who I tend to be attracted to (besides Channing Tatum – he is fine LOL), but I have absolutely no issue with my friends and family members dating outside of our race. I think women should date whoever they are attracted to physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually regardless of race.

    All the Best,
    Allison | http://www.LiveLifeWellBlog.com

  • I’ve never dated outside of my race but dating is dating. I think the toughest part is dealing with standing your ground with family and friends should they not agree with your ADULT decision. Life is short, do what makes you happy.

  • Holly

    I think people need to worry more about personalities. Date whom you want so long as they make you happy. A black, white, green, yellow, whatever person can make you happy or make you feel like crap. I have dated outside of mine twice..its def different, but worth a go.

  • Valerie Robinson

    I think people should love and date how they like. Worrying about what other people think is the sure fire way to be unhappy. I’d rather be with a man that treats me well!

  • I am totally here for interracial dating. Society irritates the heck out of me in general. I agree with Mimi, the toughest part is dealing with folks closest to you who may not agree, but you’ll be miserable trying to please everyone in the long run. I have three children and I want them to be able to make decisions based on their desires and not other people’s insecurities and opinions. Everyone is entitled to their happiness and who they fall in love with. YOLO!

  • Tenaike2011 (TJ)

    I am not here to judge if a non-brown that is non-(Afro/African/Asiatic) man floats your boat then date him. If the both of you are happy…whose business is it!! However, I prefer my race “brown” (Afro/African/Asiatic) man because he complements me the best!!! #ILOVEmyBrownMen